Ok this isn’t gonna be about internet porn, thats just a fun song. Check it.
(This show includes puppet sex. Its hilarious. Ave Q, off Bway, but tickets here.)
So puppets are fun, but that wasn’t totally just for funsies. I wanna talk about how this fast paced digital age is making love harder. And not just harder, but maybe even impossible. First, a love story.
(Short shorts alert.) That is my favorite photo of my parents, all time, taken on their first date. Sort of. See, they met in high school sort of, then became friends in college. (Daddy was an athlete and Mommy was taking his ankle. Precious.) Then Mom moved out to Arizona for a bit, during which time they wrote letters. As in pens, paper, and the USPS. When she came back it was clear they were in love, they got engaged, and a wedding ensued (if i could get my hands on the wedding photos for you I would. Ken had a perm and Patricia can’t stop crying. Classic.) They have been married for 28 years. I am lucky to be able to bear witness to their functioning, loving relationship.
I maintain that how their love unfolded would be impossible today. First of all, they got to know each other over many years, and they did so by spending time together face to face. No texting, no facebook, nothing even close to instantaneous. On that note, did you notice that whole letter writing period. That is an extended absence, a period of longing. They weren’t texting every day, or even on the phone, and they still made a concerted effort to write each other. There is something about the way time works. Now, I have relationships whose entire story arc is only hours long. There is this whole new communication that we all type and read, which is kind of weird and sometimes confusing. Also, we get to know people now in digital space, usually before we get to know them in real space. This, to me, is the hardest obstacle. I mean, its not like I’m not who I seem to be on facebook, but that sure as shit is the prettiest funniest most care-free version of me. And once you think you know someone, if it turns out thats not the truth or whole truth, its really hard to accept that they aren’t who you met on screen (personal experience.)
I know constant communication seems great, but isn’t there something to be said for learning someone slowly? I know couples who fight for days, simply because when they leave mutual real space they fight via text message. So the fight never really ends and no one has time to cool off, and it just spirals into jibberish. Not cute. And honestly, if you just met a person, what the fuck is there to say in a text other than “hey i wanna hang w/ u soon.” (or something less lame. Obviously I’m bad at dating. And texting.) I maintain that love is not just about knowing someone’s thoughts and feelings, but it’s about their physicality. You have to love how they laugh at your jokes, love how they stand when they are cooking or washing dishes. You have to learn the way they like to spoon and kiss, the way they look when they are concentrating, the way they sit when they think you aren’t looking. That stuff is not digital space stuff, and it won’t happen in the time it takes to text. I think if we don’t slow down, we are gonna lose love and have to figure something else out. I know it’s survived the entire course of human history, but this age is unlike any other. ‘All you need is love’ may be true, but just because it’s the thing, doesn’t mean it isn’t breakable or loseable or ruinable. Sometimes, I feel like I’m forgetting, like we are all forgetting, how to fall in love.
“No, this trick won’t work…How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?”
“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.”
– Albert Einstein
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continuumissues 