Tag Archives: measure in love

#outwiththeoldinwiththenew #theyearofwordsbywomen #ohhey2015

Welp. I’m starting this year out in bed with a wicked hangover because I drank too much champagne in Brooklyn last night. Thank god the L train wasn’t a total disaster and thank god for my amazing friends that I danced and sang and counted down and took photo booth photos with. There is a vegan cheese and tofu hangover cure in my future (shout out to seamless.)

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Speaking of the future: lets talk about some goals for this year. I have one main goal, resolution, whatever, that I wanted to share with you guys. This year, I want to read more. And not just finish more books or up my word count. I want to make reading a priority in my life. I want to make space for it, remember how to delve into pages and get lost. I want to think about how words can fit in my day, take up some of the time I spend scrolling through feeds or watching TV.

Before you get all defensive, let me just say that I think that feeds and TV are just fine. I love TV, and sometimes TV is what I need to unwind. TV is also great when you are doing other things like writing a New Year’s blog post, or cooking, or other activities that inhibit your ability to hold a book and turn pages.

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But I want to take a step back and think about when it is possible for me to choose pages. I’ve started making it a habit to get up in time to read for 30 mins in the morning, before I do anything else. Before I get on the computer for work or check my email or the weather, I make my hot water with lemon and I get back into bed and read. Usually a half hour,  no more no less. It really has changed the whole vibe of my days. Starting with words on a page is much slower than screens, and it’s internal and it’s self centered and it’s quiet. It’s actually be quite transformative.

So not only am I going to make as much space for books as I can spare, but 2015 is going to be the year I read books by women. Only books by women. I want to explore beyond the big names, although of course that’s where I’m starting (Cheryl Strayed and Adrienne Rich, and let me tell you they are making my heart shine and my soul sing.) But I recently had this feeling in my gut, this feeling that was absolutely sick and tired of the way creative women are talked to and treated. It started when I read Heroines and it hasn’t abated. And I began searching for some of those ladies to sink my teeth into. I want to hear the stories that women live with, that they held inside of them and couldn’t live without sharing. I want to support the creativity of people whose creativity was not valued, was not allowed to flourish, was pathologized and stunted. I want to focus on the voices that were shushed and quieted. So far, it feels right. Great, actually.

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If you wanna make some exclamations at this point about reverse sexism or misandy, let me stop you right there. Take that somewhere else. I do not hate men, or male writers, nor do I think that female authors are better than their male counterparts. I grew up, like we all did, reading the wonderful works of the great men that make up the literary canon. Even though I had a pretty liberal education both in high school and college, it wasn’t until I got to grad school that my reading list became truly diverse. The work of women writer’s is still considered cursory, emotional, niche. It’s outside the canon. And I’m over that. I’m gonna make my own canon, and attempt to balance the scales of my life as a reader so far.

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As for reverse sexism, that doesn’t exist. Because like reverse racism, it’s impossible. Sexism and racism are not just about the personal feelings of people who judge, dislike, or outright hate another group of people. They are about systems of oppression that are enacted by entire groups in power, by the state, and by ideas and emotions that we are taught as part of our culture and world view. The largeness of these things combined cannot be overstated, and the people with the power cannot be truly discriminated against in the way the marginalized groups are. Now if we think intersectionally then we must think critically about the ways in which we all have some privilege, and the ways we don’t, and how that plays out in our lives. But what I really want to say is that my desire to read the words of women is not an attack on men and if you feel that way I urge you to consider the fact that men have never had to question if they can write, if they should write. Almost all the great works that are held up in the light are by men. The ancient, the classic and the contemporary, all by dudes. But what about little girls who have a story inside them they are dying to tell? Where can they find examples of other women who wrote and were great? How can they feel as though they have the right? How do they learn to trust their voices?

This is a fight that is, still, in 20 freakin’ 15, happening. I know for sure that to be a good writer I must be a good reader, and I know that I have neglected that. I want to make myself better, as a writer and as a human, and I want to support the voices of other women with a story to tell. I think reading books is a great way to learn about the world and to evoke empathy. And radical empathy, self love and compassion, are what I believe truly will save us all and remake the world into a safe space of social justice and community.

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Cheers to that, and cheers to your all. Be safe, stay fly, and spread love.

Happy to be alive, 20-1-5 ❤

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The First State Sparkles into Civil Unions!

Guys, today I am proud to be from the First State, Delaware! Yes, Delaware is a whole entire state. It is also the Diamond State, and home of tax free shopping. And today, a bill was passed to allow Civil Unions for gay couples. You can read about that here.

CHYEA!

Now, I have to mention that not every gay man and woman cares about this. Some think that going the heteronormative path, trying to parallel mainstream rights, is not the way to go. They think that the movement needs to get back to it’s radical roots. And I for one can’t completely disagree. I am not into marriage. It’s a super privileged status, and the only way that you elevate one group is by subordinating another. And not only are people who aren’t married denied rights, but within marriage itself there are those with power and those with less. Remember, marriage used to be a property exchange, and that legacy is not entirely dead. Women around the world still wear white on this day, even though its technically no longer a symbol of virginity. But there are still places in the world where you can be killed for not bleeding on your wedding night, or sent back to your family shamed for life, and marital rape was only recognized (in this country!) by the law in the past 30 years. The white dress encompasses all of that, and I think we need to be more concious of all the baggage that comes with this institution. I think we should dismantle the whole thing and figure something else out. Sometimes I wonder what the heck the homos are thinking, but then again husband and husband or wife and wife isn’t the same thing as husband and wife, so maybe the power dynamic isn’t so severe.

I don’t have a complete solution. This is an issues I think about often, because it is so personally/politically intertwined. I will say, however, that gay marriage is going to happen in my lifetime. The ball is already rolling. And I understand how important it is to some people, people who want to declare their love and have their family recognized. And so it warms my heart. Even though politically I am somewhat torn, personally I think that we should celebrate love in all it’s variations. For now, this is how the community is going after rights, and they do deserve rights. And love is it, you know? It is the very thing. It’s all you need, it’s what the world needs now, it’s my drug… It’s what we should all measure our lives in.