Well guys, this really broke my heart, because not only do I like that Boom Boom Pow, but I’ma be up in the club doin’ whatever I like. *SIGH* Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas made some seriously obnoxious comments in an interview will Elle Magazine recently. There is this great response from the body.com that addresses all of the issues I have with said comment, which you can read here.
Ok so in case you don’t feel like reading that, basically Will thinks that girls with condoms are ‘tacky’ and he wouldn’t be into that female. To paraphrase what author Kellee Terrell says, this is an antiquated, anachronistic, provincial view. It shows a lack of true understanding not only of how relationships evolve, but also of how people begin sexual relations. It also shows how little Will knows about women’s emotional landscape, and how issues of power/abuse/insecurity may be working in any given room with any given woman. But I don’t really wanna talk about him, because she’s already done that, completely and intelligently. I wanna talk to you.
These comments sadden me because they point to the kind of man that has ego issues. Men who don’t like women who are sexually independent/prepared/responsible are not men of quality. If he wants exclusive control over whether or not protection is used, it’s paramount to wanting control of you and your body. He probably will also want control over other aspects of the relationship. It’s so gross to think about how guys are still threatened by women who can think for themselves. Like we should all just smile shyly and hope for the best. That doesn’t work if you want to have an orgasm, and it’s not going to work if you want to have safe sex every time. I’m the first to admit that condoms aren’t exactly sexy or romantic. But a partner who respects your body and your health sure as shit is. You shouldn’t have to ask, but if you do and no one in the room has one, how likely are you to stop? The only thing worse than bad sex is almost-sex. Being prepared means that you will get off easier knowing that no one in the room is at risk (or at least the risk is way reduced: 98% effective against pregnancy, and also significantly reduces the risk of STD’s, including HPV and especially HIV.)
Will seems to think that every relationship happens in a calm manner, with people who communicate perfectly, where everyone is safe. But of course this isn’t true. Obviously you can’t always predict how your partner will behave, but you do have control over yourself and your actions. Being prepared means being empowered. That way, there isn’t any wiggle room and you damn well know that no one can use a lame excuse, like ‘I forgot’ or ‘I ran out’. We all know that power dynamics, especially in a sexual situation, are not stacked in our favor. Speaking up is not easy. (I almost always hesitate, but then I remember that I’m already prepared so there is no space for alternative outcomes.) If a guy is turned off by your knowledge, by your desire to have not only sex, but safe sex, then that guy doesn’t deserve to be anywhere near your naked body. So please please please, if you are sexually active, keep condoms in your house. And if you encounter an unenlightened misogynist jerk like this pop star, put your clothes back on while you kick him out and then go pick up someone who will appreciate the fact that this isn’t 1954.