This is what a villain looks like:
So ignore how Jasmine looks like a hoochie latina hood rat, and how Jafar is probably in the closet, and focus on how snake-like and evil he is. He has deliberately tried to hurt the other characters, thwart their happiness, and even physically harm them. What a prick.
We learn early on how to recognize the bad guy. Usually they have dark features, alluring voices, and unseemly motives. The ‘Lord of the Rings’ films teach us that pretty people are good/can be trusted, and ugly people are bad and will kill you.
I just realized how nerdy this post is… But I digress.
The thing about villains is, they need victims. I think we get into an unrealistic mindset in our relationships, where we cast ourselves as the pretty do-gooding victims, and the people who hurt us as the villain. Now of course, there are real life villains (bank robbers, rapists, politicians…), and I am not claiming that anyone deserves bad treatment or heartbreak. I do think, however, that trying to see how you yourself contributed to a bad situation can seriously save a lot of hurt and confusion. I myself (being a water sign) feel things really deeply, and sometimes I have trouble sorting out all that emotion. So then I’m having all of these reactions to what someone else says/does, and at first it’s easy to just blame them. “Oh he’s such a jerk” or “God, he just doesn’t get it, so selfish” or “What a prick, how can he say that?!”. But what about my own actions? Didn’t I contribute to the relationship and where it ended up? Aren’t I just as responsible, for whatever isn’t going well, as the other person? Aren’t both of us acting and reacting out of emotional histories/beliefs/desires that may be confusing or in conflict?
I think the answer is a big fat yes. I think that we all expect the people we are in relationships with to be mind readers, and we also expect them to be great. But people aren’t great all the time, we all make mistakes. And if you aren’t clear about your needs then no one will know what you need. Even in unhealthy relationships, it is important to remember that you don’t have to be the victim of someone else’s abuse. You contribute to the relationship, you care and enable, and if you should go you can. You have agency, autonomy, power. We can never control what another person says or thinks or feels, but we do have control over what we contribute and how we feel. I hear a lot of girls whining about how boys are dumb and don’t understand. Sometimes this is true. But sometimes it’s a case of not owning up to the things we all do wrong in relationships. It’s about time we take responsibility for our end, for how we screw up, and for what we want. Ultimately, if you aren’t taking care of yourself, no one else is going to be able to fulfill your needs. There are always two people in a room, two sets of thoughts and feelings, two people acting and reacting. Blaming it entirely on the other party is only going to distort your vision of relationships, and your vision of yourself as a partner. Be clear, don’t settle, be a big girl and stop whining. Seriously, it’s not cute.
(Here is a female villain. We can be bitches after all. Oh, and please try to ignore the political incorrectness/offensive aspects of these disney clips. That’s a convo for another day.)