Double Standards for the New Millenium

This is one of those subjects that people think is outdated. So very not true.

Double standards still exist in a lot of realms, most prevalently in the sexual realm. They may be a little more under the radar, unstated, or implied, but they are there. The fact is still true (I’ve said this before) that men get to be casanovas and cowboys while women get to be sluts and whores.

But its even more complicated than that! Lately I’ve noticed that a lot of my girlfriends (and yes, sometimes even me) are acting kind of desperate. There is a power imbalance. Recently I was having a bar convo and a young man claimed that women have all the power. I disagree very strongly. The line we are all fed is that women want relationships all the time. This creates a situation where men have this thing they withhold from us, this relationship, this status, this commitment. And women run around trying to be good enough, trying to prove that they are the girl that deserves this gift. And even if you don’t want a relationship, it still feels like girls are trying to prove that they are good enough to call back, different from all the rest of the girls who are annoying or needy or superficial or any of the other negative stereotypes young women garner. (Charlotte is one example of a character who I consider, at times, to be desperate.)

"I've been dating since I was 13, where is he?!"

Ok, so now I am trying to be just a person and not some needy game playing little girl. I am trying to be direct and honest. (Sidenote: I am super direct and honest. I can’t help it. Life is happening now, so I don’t understand how ‘hard-to-get’ is beneficial to anyone, or why you’d wanna wait two days to call someone if you want to see them that night. Things are happening all the time. Why wait.) And most guys I know claim that girls are confusing and they wish they were simpler, easy to read. But let me tell you what, you’re damned if you do damned if you don’t. When I am direct, guys freak out. It’s like they suddenly speak another language, like I am terrifying. Or, even worse, they assume I’m lying. Same with sex. If I am down for a good time then I never see them again because they assume I’m just a one night stand, not the kind of girl you take home to mom, whatever. But of course if you hold out then you’re a prude or a cock tease. And if you try and play games then you’re manipulative.

scorpio constellation! scorpio women = VERY DIRECT

So what the hell does everyone want? I get frustrated because I think we want the same things, but we are totally not working together to make those things happen. Double standards, for me, are the most frustrating. It feeds into the whole relationships vs friendship thing. Your romantic relationships should function sort of like friendships. I hardly ever fight with my friends, so I don’t think romantic relationships warrant a lot of fighting. I make dinner for my friends, I’d make dinner for someone I like to kiss on the mouth. I tell my friends when things are bothering me or when I’m scared or when they’re pissing me off or if I miss them. All that should apply to romantic partners. We shouldn’t be dealing with people differently, holding them to different standards, just because we want to/are seeing them naked. There shouldn’t be a difference between a direct man and a direct woman. You shouldn’t be scared of honesty or sexuality or passion in anyone. Saying what you mean and meaning what you say is a quality I value in others and try ultra hard to enact myself. I guess the bottom line is that if you like to play games find someone who will (but that’s a waste of time, even when successful) and if you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen (or scorpio desert, as the case may be…)

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3 thoughts on “Double Standards for the New Millenium

  1. no worries elyse, i am too. the thing is though… i do feel like i am “the girl” for someone. but i don’t want to have to prove that to someone. i want someone to just know me and see that that’s true. i’m not sure that that makes me desperate.

    1. Obviously you are right for someone. But, you are probably right for more than one someone, cause you are great. (You’re both great.) You don’t have to prove anything, you don’t have to try and play games so that any guy will want to be with you. It should be more like a mutual decision to keep sharing your life together. But you have to know and see that it’s true before someone else can, other wise we are just all like, hocking the goods to anyone remotely cute. Which is for sure desperate.

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