I was out and about last night on Houston Street, seeing a friends band. There were lots and lots of kids there that I very like, and one such friend is in a new dating situation. And right away, I could tell they were totally smitten kitten with each other. It was precious.
Fav smitten kitten jam:
It got my wheels turning. I find it really difficult to get past the initial ‘Hey you’re pretty, maybe you’re also cool and would be fun to hang out with’ stage. I hate to be a broken record (old fashioned metaphor), but I think technology is partly to blame. I meet boys, and the first step is a text. I have a strict no sexting policy, but I mean I do like to flirt. The problem is, texting isn’t an ideal way to get asked out on a date. This text -> ‘We should def get drinks sometime’, is not a proper invitation. It’s actually kind of annoying. So is ‘We should catch up soon’ or ‘Hit me up when you’re in the neighborhood’.
So there is the lack of proper invitation, a serious problem. And then there is this whole being available thing. I find I’m either too available or a ghost. I so badly want to get the ball rolling, I make excuses to try and run into people, or switch stuff around to meet up. But being too available is kind of desperate. Not that I am desperate (always), I’m just optimistic and impatient. I know that a person who really likes you will wait, but I’m always nervous about how long they’ll wait. I gotta learn to take deep breaths and trust in my staying power. Super difficult.
And boys tend to be kind of lukewarm. Just me? I mean, our culture is so over sexed and girls are giving it up so easily, I know lots of guys who think they don’t have to try. Mostly, it’s because they don’t have to try. I am totally guilty of being too available and giving up too much too soon, hoping that will equal a quick and successful beginning. Of course these boys didn’t do anything especially worthy or nice.
One solution will work for all these problems. Stop acquiesing to bullshit behavior. If a boy can’t call you and use a complete sentence to ask you out, lose his number. If a boy doesn’t go out of this way to be sweet, if he isn’t enthusiastic, if he plays games, then don’t allow him the super awesome privilege of your company until he does. And the final step is to try and let go let flow, trust that you are worthy of excellent treatment and that a boy will stick around long enough to take you out. I am so impatient, and the irony is by rushing, what I’m waiting for isn’t happening at all. That whole smitten kitten thing is precious, and even though I tend to ‘trust my instincts close my eyes and leap’, I know that sometimes good things come to those who wait.
Kahn Crab’s fav smitten kitten jam:
(PS I sort of am crushing right now, and I am seriously trying to be patient cause I have a good feeling. So I’m literally sitting on my hands, fingers crossed. Keep a good thought!)