I am trying to hold off posting about Valentine’s Day, since I’ll only get more annoyed until its over. So that won’t be what this is about.

I wanna talk about chakras. This is gonna be somewhat spiritual. If you are only into things that you can touch or prove, this post won’t be for you.

I should start by saying that I am not an expert but merely a novice yogi and student. So I’m giving you really basic info, as I understand it. That said, those pictures are lotus flowers that represent the 7 chakras. They are energy centers in your body, and each center has different energy. The deal with yoga is that you strive to balance all of these energies, so that life force can weave up your body open top chakra, the crown chakra (the purple lotus of a thousand petals). And that’s how you reach enlightenment. I am really really far from enlightenment, but I have been trying for awhile. I have these symbols tattooed on my spine as a reminder that all the tools you need to navigate life already reside within you, you just need to have clarity of thought to know which energy is required.

Well, like I said, I am far from enlightenment and that means out of balance. I had my chakras read about a year ago, and as it turns out, my most open chakra is my sacral chakra. That’s the orange one, second from the bottom, located in your pelvis. It controls sexual and creative energy. Now, that wasn’t shocking to anyone in the room (or anyone whose ever met me) but, what did shock me was that my heart chakra was nearly closed. The woman doing the reading (who happens to be a close friend) looked at me and said, “Hunny, that’s not the way to protect yourself.” And now a year later, I’m wondering what my chakras would read. Obviously, expressing myself creatively and sexually is important, and in fact I believe that being stifled in the sacral chakra is a huge problem for most women. That coupled with a closed throat chakra, ie hesitancy or inability to communicate clearly, leads to deeply rooted unhappiness. Now, since you are reading this, you probably already know communication isn’t my main problem. Of course, it’s easier to type than to speak openly when emotions are involved. And I am far from perfect. But maybe you are like me, expressing only orange and hiding away the green. Guarding your heart. Because heartbreak gets harder as we get older, like the muscle becomes less resilient, not to mention that the older we get the harder it is to believe that it’s not all our fault.

But relationships are always a two person dance. That’s two sets of chakras, two psyches, two sets of baggage, two decision makers and two communicators. It stands that they are hard, cause in general people are complicated. Everyone has their own guards up, their own sad story, their own lessons they hope will help keep them from making the same mistakes over and over. Sometimes, I really feel like I keep making the same mistakes over and over. And by feel like, I mean as I’m doing it I’m thinking: “Shit, I can’t believe I’m doing this again. Fuck.” I need a lot more yoga. It’s been my experience that being vulnerable is the only way to fall for someone. It’s also been my experience that falling for the wrong person can be a really time consuming, confusing, and ultimately heartbreaking mistake. So, again, it comes down to balance (right?). Don’t let your heart chakra close entirely, but don’t give in to someone who hasn’t proved they appreciate and deserve it. And yes, I know that that is hardly ever easily determined. I also know that sometimes you get close to the edge and jump. Or look into the abyss, turn and run. Trust, in yourself or in others, is not easy. It feels to me like a tightrope.

I’m gonna go do some half moon, child’s pose, camel and spine twist, ever in search of that elusive state of being: balanced.


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