In Defense of Batteries

Ok, so maybe I’ve had sex on the brain lately. Maybe thats a ridiculously obvious statement that could be made on any day of the week, month or year. But it’s important, and not just because more orgasms=happier people, but its also extremely political and conflicted.

But in this post we are gonna keep it kinda simple and talk about vibrators.

Oh boy! Female masturbation! How TABOO! I must confess, I get really confused when girls don’t do this, or when they don’t know the specifics of their anatomy. A vagina is not as straight forward (straight up?) as a penis. It needs exploration. How do you expect to be able to give adequate directions if you yourself have never reached the destination? So, for your personal exploration guidance, check out this amazing book “The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-Spot.” I thought I was up to date with this info, but let me tell you what I found a whole new world. A dazzling place I never knew.

Now, obviously, a lot can be accomplished manually. But batteries can provide that extra push over the edge. Just the other day I thought mine had broken, and I was seriously in a funk about it. Luckily I used that grad-school education to deduce that I just needed to change the batteries. Whew! Crisis avoided.

Here’s the thing. Men are automatically seen as sexual, aggressive creatures. Women’s sexuality is marginalized or outright villianized (remember Eve? or better yet, Lilith?!) but our bodies are not to origin of evil. They aren’t even that complicated (its 2 inches back and straight up, FYI, but you’ll read the book and get the full scoop). You should not be ashamed to figure yourself out. Its easier for boys because they are culturally encouraged and because their equipment is easily accessed. But giving yourself orgasms is like taking time out to cook for yourself or read a good book. It’s something nice to do for you. And honestly, no one can give you as good of an orgasm as you can, once you get the hang of it. So if you want to have great sex more often than not, get to work on the solo piece before you try a duet (or trio… of whatever numerical collaboration you like to work with).

After all, faking is so late 20th century rom com.

Oh, and here’s a suggestion on where to buy goodies. And I’ll totally go with!


3 thoughts on “In Defense of Batteries

  1. “Vaginas aren’t as straight up as penises.”
    Aladdin reference.
    “Crisis avoided.”

    Another successful blog post. This needs to be shared with the masses.

    If I may defend the penis for a second; there’s all sorts of exploration to be done. Thank you very much. Extra points for creativity.

    1. Tell all your friends.
      And the penis doesn’t need defending. It’s prominence/betterness/dominance has been firmly established for millennia. Your defense is like a rain drop in the ocean, and we’re all already soaking wet. 😉

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